Open and honest relationships do not just happen, they are made. Purpose to nurture relationships with family and friends. Plan out daily activities to foster openness and vulnerability.

Daily Family Devotionals:

A book named, My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers, is an excellent daily devotional for reading with the whole family. It takes only a few minutes. (Be sure to buy the Today’s Modern Language Version.) Other suggestions include Jesus Freak by D.C. talk [which compiles short stories about martyrs] and The Prayer of Jabez. Take the lead and initiate daily devotionals.

Develop family traditions that you and others can look forward to at certain times of the year, such as taking a hay ride every Halloween, going to a B&B for your anniversary, telling the Christmas story each Christmas Eve, attending a ball game annually, decorating the house for birthdays, scheduling annual trips to the zoo or watching the Christmas light show.

For Singles:

• Single men should engage in prayers and devotionals with other men, and single women with other women. Men, avoid acting as a spiritual leader with women (even girlfriends) because of the intimacy involved.

• Pray as each issue, decision or problem arises. Do not wait until meals or morning prayer times. Pray right away. God is interested in your situation and in your relationship. Go to Him often.
• Pray with others. It can be hard to pray out loud, but work through discomfort. When you pray, don’t try to sound eloquent or use someone else’s words. God wants your heart, thoughts and words
• Consider popcorn prayers, i.e. taking turns saying short
• prayers. Each person should pray. Keep it short and from the heart. Jump in and pray what God places on your heart.
• Develop a special prayer event or time, such as turning off the lights and pray by candle light.
• Pick out a favorite Bible story and tell it in your own words, such as the parting of the Red Sea. Describe how awesome that must have been. Get the family to engage and be a part of the story.

Other Family Matters (conversation ideas):

• Learn the love language of family and friends, and then start doing daily things that speak to it. The five major love languages are: (1) time spent (just being together); (2) gifts (inexpensive items work great, such as flowers, candy, trinkets – they feel loved by you giving the gift); (3) words of affirmation (some thrive on being told compliments and reassuring words – you cannot say too many times things like I love you, you look great, that was really neat the way you did that, or supper was great); (4) acts of service (drying dishes, putting clothes away, vacuuming and any other chores speak volumes to this person); and (5) touch (this is not the same as sex, it is merely hugs, a gentle hand on a shoulder, or holding hands on walks). (See The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.) Often family members, especially husbands and wives, have different love languages. If you are “gifts” and they are “acts of service,” no matter how many gifts you give (because that is what makes you feel loved) they still need to see you do acts to feel your love. Find out their love language and do it, especially if it is different than the one you wish they had!
  
• Couch time. For the married men, schedule weekly or monthly couch time when just you and your wife (no kids or company) talk about family matters and set personal and group goals. Be truly interested in their goals. Listen, listen, listen. Affirm, affirm, affirm. If you have children, discuss each child, setting specific goals and how to accomplish them. Be sure to talk about their good qualities, and thank your wife for doing a great job raising them. If you do not have children, you still need couch time for open communications and deepening relationships. Singles should set aside time to talk to others of the same sex about the direction of your life and your desire to follow God. Get feedback from other men who love the Lord. Be sure to put it (couch time) on the calendar and guard its time.
  
• Keep a journal and use it as a way of remembering goals and events.
  
• Practice talking about feelings, i.e. ask others how they are feeling. Then, do not remark, “oh” or “really” or “why do you feel that way about that.” This signals that feelings are taboo. Allow others (and yourself) to have feelings and to be able to share them. Listen and don’t try to fix it when feelings are shared. Again, listen and affirm. Acknowledge and accept other’s feelings.
• Keep trying out new family hobbies that everyone can participate in, such as puzzles, rock collecting, walks, or games. Discuss what each liked about the activity.
  
• Ask your family about what fears or concerns they face. Ask your men friends about their dreams. Encourage them to dream and to accomplish such dreams by relying upon God’s strength.
  
• Talk about childhood memories. Even if your childhood was difficult, God is and was sovereign. Use your past (and memories) for the Lord. Others long to hear personal stories. Do not stuff past events or downplay your life. Be open and communicative. Also, ask others about their childhood and memories.
  
• Ask your spouse, if married, what things you can do to make her feel more secure and loved. Singles, ask others of the same sex what things you should be preparing to do for when you are married. Again, do not lament that you are not married. Enjoy God and engage in training as a good soldier for Christ.
  
• Listen, listen, listen. Practice listening. Put the newspaper down, get off the computer, turn TV off and then lean forward and listen. Do not offer advise. Repeat back some of the things others say so you both know that you are hearing correctly. If they say how hard the day was because the vacuum broke, the laundry was piled up, etc., tell them “it sounds like it was a frustrating day.” Let them keep venting if needed. Keep listening. You’ll be surprised to see how listening will build a relationship!

Spoken Words and Touch:

• Married men, tell your wife of her beauty and how your love is more infinite that the stars. Married women, be an encourager. Each spouse also must work on keeping open lines of communications. (If single, do not be discouraged. A God that numbers the stars knows what is best for you and the right timing. Make your relationship with the Lord the number one priority in your life. Do not be consumed with finding a spouse. Keep in mind that God knows your needs, and promises to provide for them. Focus on becoming the person that God wants you to be. He will provide a spouse in due time (His timing!). Keep your attention on pleasing God and serving others. The more actively you love and serve others with pure motives, the less you will be consumed with your circumstances. Run as hard as you can after Christ. God surely can provide a mate running as fast towards the Lord. How blessed you will be!)
  
• Compliment family and friends on things you notice, such as their gentle spirit, good attitudes, or their politeness. If single, use words that build up others. Practice listening and replace complaining with praising. Look for the good, not faults in others.
  
• Give many hugs a day. Hug and listen to your children. Get on their level and be interested in them. Teach by your actions good forms of communications with them. Single men, learn to hug other men. Don’t practice on women. Remember, you must flee from temptation and avoid even the appearance of impropriety. Married men, honor you wives in this way too!
  
• Communicate your feelings. Do not pretend you are happy when you are worried. From time to time go to the Feelings Chart attached hereto. Get acquainted with your feelings and talk about them. Similarly, tell your family many times a day that you love them.

Television:

• Television is one of the biggest time killers and it fosters selfish thinking. Even though you might watch it together with family, it does not foster the relationship your soul desires. Exercise great control and discretion when deciding whether or what to watch. Some alternatives include:
  
• Schedule a family or friend night with no TV. Instead, play games (and don’t be competitive or complaining) or schedule other fun activities. Consider games which require teamwork.
  Invite others over for pizza and a movie based upon Christ or God, i.e. Jesus, David, Moses or the Ten Commandments. (Consider previewing the movie and planning out a discussion.)

Meal Time:

• Establish family meal times. Turn off the TV and require all family members to attend. Keep each person involved in the conversation, creating ways to make it pertinent and enjoyable for everyone.
  
• Buy or use a unique plate for meal time to be used to honor a person. Rotate it between those in the family. For the person with the special plate, the others should say something nice or encouraging. When dining alone, set a plate for the Lord and talk to Him. He longs to listen!
  
• Start a practice of going around the table taking turns saying something about which you are thankful.
  
• Be creative and introduce new elements to meal time. You might keep old Christmas cards from friends and family. Read them occasionally and pray for that family. Discuss the good character qualities they display in their lives. The next time you see them, tell them!

Outside Activities/Events:

• Get out of the house. Go on a picnic, to the zoo or simply walk outside to look at the stars. Make a habit of spending time praising God and thanking Him for His creation. Look for things around you for ways to praise God, i.e. the trees and grass provide oxygen and clean the air for you. Share these things with the person you’re with. You cannot exhaust ways to be thankful to God.

Miscellaneous Ideas:

For the Married:

• Find a picture of you both and hang it on a wall. Tell your spouse you are glad you married them. Consider framing your marriage certificate. (When others notice it, tell them it is an important covenant!)
  
• Plant a tree or bush in the yard to signify your renewed dedication to your mate. Then regularly tend it and watch it grow. Use that as a reminder to tend to their needs and tell of your love.
  
• Go for a walk or bike ride (consider weekly or daily walks).
  
• Write love notes and hide them in places they will find, i.e. the refrigerator, the coffee container, or under her pillow. Decorate the house for special events with streamers and balloons.
  
• Notice things around the house, i.e. the house was vacuumed. Be sure to thank them for it!
  
• Call daily from work just to say you love them. Make sure you are not distracted or doing work while you talk. It is okay to keep it to one or two minutes; but make sure you pay undivided attention.

For Singles:

• Plant a tree or bush in the yard to signify your renewed dedication to the Lord. Then regularly tend it and watch it grow. Use that as a reminder to grow spiritually.
  
• Plan a BBQ or a movie night. Invite other singles. Include a time of prayer.
  
• Volunteer at a soup kitchen, the local jail, or a nursing home. Ask the pastor of your church for ways to meet the needs of others. There likely are many shut-ins that would love your company. There are also undesirable tasks that no one is willing to do. Ask to do what no one else wants to.
  
• Develop a hobby, such as rock collecting or biking. Dedicate the activity to the Lord. Do not allow yourself to be consumed with pity or loneliness. Your life is not dependant upon being married, and marriage will not automatically create in you openness or bring you peace. Use the time being single to be single-minded in heart in a pursuit of intimacy with the Lord.

Sex and Intimacy Topics:

• Men, as to all woman (except a spouse), don't flirt with or become a confidant of women. I repeat, do not become close friends or share intimate details with women. (The same scene is replayed over and over again; when a man becomes a confidant with a woman it often ends in hurt feelings for one or both. Don’t fool yourself into thinking your relationship with a certain woman is somehow different or you won’t reap the harm God warns against. Break out of your old ways and spend energy developing relationships with men.) Women, the same principle applies; don’t be confidants of men.

For the Married:

• Especially men, practice “affection period.” (Not “affection comma then sex.”) Rub her shoulders while she is standing near the counter, and when she sighs or says that feels good, don’t think about (or ask for) sex. Rub her feet with lotion or give her a back rub, but then do not have sex that day.
  
• Ask your spouse if there is something you can do or stop doing during love making that would be more pleasing or honoring to them. (Be genuinely interested in hearing the answer. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are perfect or a mind reader. Expect that they will have suggestions. If you argue or make them feel that what they said was wrong, they will not feel safe or trust you with intimacy. Humbly and gladly accept their answers. After all, don’t you really want them to experience what they find most pleasing? Then, next time, do what they had suggested without waiting for them to ask.)

For Singles:

• Be totally committed to waiting until marriage to have sexual relations. (Begin anew if you have been sexually impure.)
  
• Do not dwell on sexual thoughts or longings for sexual relationships. This will only lead to false intimacy and fantasy. Put into practice what you have learned, i.e. do not look with lust for any length of time and avoid magazines, TV and Internet items that lead to false intimacy or fantasy. Replace being alone and a wandering mind with activities centered on real relationships with God and others.
  
• If you are not dating right now, set aside an amount of time devoted to the Lord to become spiritually ready before you date. In other words, do not start dating until you are committed to real intimacy with God. Only when you are walking with the Lord should you begin to date.
  
• When you do date, date with the purpose of preparing for marriage. If you don't see yourself married to the person, then do not continue to date them. Be up-front about your intentions. Agree to break up if it becomes obvious that they are not running the race for the Lord or if the relationship is not moving towards the goal of marriage. Remember, God has the right person chosen for you. Don’t rush into dating or marriage. Wait upon the Lord.
  
• Be absolutely pure. Do not be alone with your date (or any other person of the same sex even if you are not dating them). This means that you must never be alone in a home or apartment with a person of the same sex. If you want to have a meal with your date, go to a public restaurant or invite another person. It honors God and your date to avoid even the appearance of impropriety. Be a leader. It will pay great dividends.