Proven Men Ministries, Ltd.
16011 Chieftain Ave.
Rockville, MD 20855
info@ProvenMen.org

There are many reasons why a person is trapped in bondage to sexually compulsive behaviors, which are explored in greater detail throughout the 12-week daily study. However, freedom begins at the recognition of the nature of your sinful state. Unless you accept the basis for your need for change, it won't last.

Keep an open heart and be ready to respond as you read this short article regarding the nature of sexual immorality.

The Bible says that it is essential for sexual immorality to be overcome.(Ephesians 4:19-24, 5:3, Colossians 3:5-7, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7).

Let us consider a few common sexual sins and how they interfere with our relationship with Jesus and others.

Lustful Thoughts Are Real Sins. Perhaps the most overlooked and yet dangerous type of sexual sin is lustful thoughts. Fantasies are fabricated scenarios intended to serve us, please us, and give us what we claim we deserve. Because they are hidden, lustful thoughts do not receive much attention. In fact, some men do not consider sensual thoughts centered on women other than their spouse to be wrong. However, Jesus told us that anyone who even looks at a woman lustfully commits adultery in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28). Why are lustful thoughts so serious that God calls it adultery?

The Lord desires our hearts. Plain and simple. Jesus does not want from us mere outward appearances or outward actions (1 Samuel 16:7, Galatians 2:6). It is our inward thinking which reveals the true focus of our hearts. We cannot serve two masters at the same time (Matthew 6:24). This means we cannot pursue selfish sexual desires while seeking to love and serve the Lord. We may try, but we will always be frustrated in the end.

Fantasies are forms of false intimacy which keep us from being fully devoted to real relationships that are open and honest.

In fact, fantasies tend to make us view people as objects. Lustful thoughts can also demonstrate that we are not content and actually may keep us from going to the place where contentment is found (Hebrews 13:4-5). When you are not content it is because some area of our lives is not in line with God. Moreover, when we lust after a woman, we are seeking more and more self pleasures in a vain attempt to try to fill a void in our lives. We incorrectly think that if we only had more sexual pleasures, we would be fulfilled. But this type of lust can never satisfy and it does not fill the place in our hearts meant for Jesus. The result is emptiness because we do not have an intimate relationship with the Lord, which is the only true source of peace and contentment.

Lustful thoughts violate the unity and intimacy God designed and reserved for marriage. Although God did make us sexual beings, He intended that sex would occur only with a spouse (Proverbs 5:1-23). Please understand, God instructs us to be faithful for our own good. It leads to security and unity that God intended for marriage. By remaining pure in our thought lives, we also avoid feelings of guilt and shame that only drives us further in the destructive cycle of seeking temporary pleasure of a momentary fantasy that leaves us feeling empty or deficient.

Masturbation And Pornography Are Advanced Forms Of Lust. Just like fantasies, masturbation cannot fill the emotional and spiritual need inside your soul. With pornography the difference is that you use your mind as the vehicle of self-pleasure. Both pornography and masturbation stimulate fantasies and lustful thoughts, and both involve a heightened and direct inward focus on the satisfying of your personal desires. Although we often try to justify pornography or masturbation with notions that we deserve a little pleasure or that nobody gets hurt, we (and others) are damaged (Ephesians 4:19-24, 5:3-5).

Pornography grieves God. He knows how it breeds discontentment and fills our mind with thoughts that consume our attention and distracts us from pursuing what is good. Whether we admit it or not, when we masturbate or look at pornography there is inside of us feelings of guilt or shame that feeds a continual downward cycle. We then isolate portions of our lives from others and hide from Jesus. These things desensitize and blind us to the truth about who Jesus is and how much He wants to meet our needs.

Satisfying Sexual Urges Daily Reveals That Sex Controls Us. A misunderstood area of sexuality is the notion that a person must have sex almost every day to be satisfied. Although God did design and create us to be sexual beings and while we certainly are capable of wanting and having sex daily, God never intended that we would satisfy every desire that enters our minds (Ephesians 2:3, 1 John 2:16). Pursuing after daily sex reveals that sex is your master, not the Lord. Over the years you have trained yourself to sexualize things and have lost sensitivity to sin (Ephesians 4:19). You might try justifying your actions or impulses with notions such as “I am only lusting after my wife” or “God made me more sensual than other men.” However, the man who seeks to satisfy all of his personal desires, often without true regard of his wife, is one who will never find contentment. The endless hunt for satisfaction, with sex often the target, is a constant cycle of frustration. In short, when we have expectations of how often we should have sex we are living for self-gratification, which only sets our hearts on a continuous pursuit to satisfy a desire that will always want more. The only real answer is to discipline our sexual urges by fixing our gaze upon the Lord, the true source of satisfaction.

Do you see your thoughts and conduct as God does? Are you broken over how you have used God’s gift of sexual intimacy for selfish purposes and practices? A hard or selfish heart won’t hear God or seek lasting change. Ask yourself, "Am I humble enough and seeking to be close enough to the Lord to be able to hear His voice in this regard? Consider the following verse:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:1-2).

Meditate on these words. Turn to the Lord with a willing heart and a teachable spirit. Ask God to speak to you, and to reveal what areas of life you are holding onto control, instead of yielding to Him.

Now, as you constantly evaluate your own actions and motives, keep asking yourself questions such as:

• Is it my desire to be a living offering to a holy God?
• Am I able to discern God’s will for my life?
• Under God’s scrutiny are my thoughts, motives or actions absolutely pure?
• Am I relying upon views of others or societal norms to justify my sexual practices?

The Lord does not want you to remain ignorant about sin. He wants you to overcome it. God knows that you cannot stop sinning, and He provides the way out. Turn to Him now. Ask Him to speak to your heart and open your eyes to all forms of sinful practices which you self-justify or allow to remain in your life. In fact, unless and until you see these things as utterly wicked you won’t seek repentance for your actions which keep you separated from all that God wants for you. Instead, you will only play a game at trying to stop or you’ll deceive yourself into thinking all is well. However, the roots of selfishness practices will never be far from the surface, taking various forms of anger, greed, lust, worry and other peace and contentment stealers. Spend time right now meeting with God, seeking truth, repentance and brokenness.