After first having read the article Freedom From Sexual Immorality: Breaking the Grip of Lust - There is a Way Out!, you and your wife each should read the following short article to help bring proper focus within the marriage with regards to her role in the restoration process as you become a PROVEN™ man. Remember also to keep the eternal perspective of developing and maintaining intimate love relationships with God, your spouse, and others. Tear down the walls. Commit to being vulnerable, open and honest with each other.

Your Wife's Role in the Process
If you are married, it usually is advisable and necessary to involve your wife in the healing process as you repent and turn away from the destructive nature of sexual immorality.

For instance, if you have withheld love or intimacy from your wife due to the selfish nature of your sexual sins, you need to confess that and ask for her forgiveness. In addition, in most instances where pornography or masturbation are involved and in all instances in which another person is involved, you should confess the general nature of the sins (but not necessarily all of the explicit details) so that she fully understands the seriousness of your sin. The key is for you to be humble, truly repentant, and committed to doing whatever it takes to bring healing into both of your lives. At first, your wife will be upset, perhaps even unforgiving. Be patient. Sexual sin affects the mate greatly. It takes time for the hurt to stop. Your wife also may not believe right away that you really are broken over your sins or that you have changed. You must rebuild the trust you violated. Work hard at this with humility and love.

Other reasons to confess your sins to your wife is to allow her to share in the victory over sin, and for her to develop a stronger relationship with Christ. For instance, my wife has told me that she was very pleased to watch me doing daily Bible studies, and she glowed as I explained to her my excitement over truths of the Bible that I was learning and applying in my life.

She also noticed that I no longer would make excuses for my failures. She even saw that I would not try to justify my actions. Instead, I took responsibility, and kept striving to be a godly husband. After a while, she began believing that I really had changed, and she was a happy beneficiary of the new man that I was becoming. My excitement and diligence towards Jesus (and away from sexual sins) encouraged her to be more excited about and diligent in her relationship with Jesus. Today, our marriage is stronger than ever before.

Words For Wives: According to my wife (who has gone through this with me), there are some basic and practical matters for wives. First, there is hope. God changes hearts and lives. But also remember that the underlying premise applies equally to you; namely, that to live at peace and have contentment in this world requires that you have an intimate, daily relationship with Jesus. Begin by focusing on your own shortcomings and sins. For instance, have you been angry, bossy, bitter, or nit picky? These things affect you and your husband spiritually. They should be acknowledged and confessed as sin. The natural tendency is to focus on the sins of your husband, i.e. if he were not selfish, I would not have to complain. Make it your goal to restore your relationship with both Jesus and your husband, and do not let anger, bitterness or anything else stand in the way.

Forgive your husband and anyone else that has hurt you, remembering that Jesus has freely forgiven you for all of your sins. He asks us to do the same (Ephesians 4:32). Otherwise, bitterness will make a home in your heart and will destroy your relationship with your husband and Jesus. It will also affect many others. In addition, seek out a trusted, godly woman in whom you can confide, someone who will listen and offer compassion without judging you or your husband. Be wise in what and with whom you share. Remember, the ultimate goal is for broken relationships to be restored (not for you to be pitied or your husband spoken poorly of). Also, choose a woman that will gently show you weak areas in your life, and help you to be strengthened. Allow her to minister to you, and yet challenge you at the same time to grow.

Always keep going to Jesus seeking His mercy, grace and strength to carry on. Get involved in a Bible believing church where you are loved unconditionally. Attend a women's Bible study if it is available. Constantly strive for a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. I also urge you (and your husband) to read The Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan Allender (NavPress). Another good book, one written by a wife of a former sex addict, is Through Deep Waters: Letters to Hurting Wives by Kathy Gallagher (www.PureLifeMinistries.org ). In addition, read the books your husband reads so that you will grow with him (but not so that you can point out his shortcomings!). Become a part of his healing process, and encourage him in areas that he succeeds. Be interested and active, but in a loving and gentle way. In addition, be patient during this process. It will take some time for the pain to subside and for full trust to be rebuilt. Try not to be overly suspicious when your husband comes home a few minutes late.

Make it your number one priority to grow in your relationship with Jesus. Also, guard against conditioning your love for Jesus upon how your spouse responds. But, keep praying for them that they too will pursue Jesus with all of their heart. Finally, take comfort from knowing that you can have peace through Jesus Christ in the difficult times ahead. If you have a soft heart seeking after the Lord, you will experience a wonderful and fully restored relationship with your precious savior Jesus Christ.