By: Ben Springer
Over and over, the Bible describes the union of a husband and a wife as two becoming one flesh (Gen. 1:24; Mt. 19:6; 1 Cor. 6:16). What exactly does this mean? The world does not speak in these terms, and it sounds confusing in a culture in which sex that is consensual is considered ok since no one is getting hurt. Is it actually true that no one gets hurt? You may also be asking how pornography and masturbation factor in since there is no real sexual partner involved. Does the “one flesh” Scripture even apply to this situation? The Apostle Paul answers with an emphatic “Yes!” In 1 Corinthians 6, we learn about two reasons why sexual sin is so deadly to us, even when another individual is not physically involved. The first is because of who we are. The second, which is related, is because of whose we are. As we examine these one at a time, we will gain a deeper understanding of the “one flesh” mystery.
Scripture tells us who we are in Genesis 1:27. Ever since our original father and mother, Adam and Eve, all men and women have been created in the image of God. He fashioned us in His likeness with spiritual and physical natures and a special capacity for intimate relationships. Just as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit enjoy perfect relationship in Holy Trinity, God intended a man and a woman to enjoy a unique partnership that reflects that glorious unity. This happens as they enter the covenant of marriage and celebrate that union through the gift of sex. They become “one flesh” by sharing a special physical, emotional and spiritual bond that they do not share with anyone else. This marriage is meant to last until death do they part, and only because of the Jews’ hardness of heart did God allow the stipulation for divorce in the event of sexual immorality (Matt. 19:8).
As bearers of His image, we are relational beings who are wired for intimacy with a spouse. The one flesh union between a man and a woman has been inherent to God’s design from the beginning. Therefore, it cannot be circumvented, whether it is a one-night stand, an ongoing affair, or a sexually-active dating relationship. Sex binds both partners to each other physically, emotionally and spiritually every time, whether there is a mutual commitment between them or not. Sex is inseparable from intimacy because God created it that way. This is a wonderful gift in marriage to be celebrated, but very damaging in outside of the marriage context.
What many of us do not realize is that pornography, masturbation and fantasy have the same effect. We may think that because these activities are done in private, that no one is really harmed. We inadvertently short circuit our God-given capacity for intimacy. Steven Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, co-authors of the Every Man series, write, “Over time, sexual intensity will replace intimacy as your primary focus of sex.”[1] The result is false intimacy, which can never fulfill us and keeps us coming back for more and more of it until true intimacy can become a distant memory. That is how we, as God’s image bearers, sin against our own bodies (1 Cor. 6:18).
The second reason that sexual immorality is harmful is because of whose we are. Paul explains that our bodies are members of Christ and temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:15 & 19). Then, he clearly proclaims, “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your bodies” (v. 19-20). We are God’s possession. Just as slaves were auctioned and sold in the early days of our nation, becoming the property of the highest bidder, we are God’s property, purchased with the blood of Christ. He has adopted us as His sons and purified us with the blood of Christ so that His Holy Spirit can take up residence in our bodies. Therefore, when we engage in activities that are impure, such as premarital or extramarital sex, looking at pornography, masturbating or fantasizing, we are including the Holy Spirit in the act.
Brothers, I know that we do not want to use the members of Christ’s body (i.e. our own bodies) as members of lawlessness and immorality and profane the blood of Christ which has purchased our freedom and citizenship in the kingdom of God. Yet this is the tragic result when we seek sexual gratification outside of God’s design. Ultimately, we sever intimacy and fellowship with God and with our wives or future wives. Intimacy with God and your future/present wife is on the line. Are you willing to pay such a high cost by pursuing these fleeting sexual pleasures?
If you have come to see the severity of the consequences and long to break free, there is hope for you! As a Proven Man, your quest for sexual integrity must begin with the pursuit of intimacy with God. Just as our sins produce broken intimacy with God and false sexual intimacy, our humble and contrite spirits will position us for God’s healing. Humility is absolutely critical, for when we enter God’s presence with an attitude of humility, He will impart His grace to help rebuild that intimacy. Then you will see clearly to rebuild trust and intimacy with your wife, or to claim sexual integrity in preparation for an intimate marriage if you are single.
Brothers, we are bearers of God’s image and owned by Him as His sons. Let us enter the journey of casting off our old ways that lead us to sin against our own bodies and instead seek how we can glorify God in our bodies.
[1] Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey, Every Single Man’s Battle: Staying On the
Path of Sexual Purity, The Every Man Series (Colorado Springs, Colo.: WaterBrook Press,
©2005), 16.