By: Ricky Bailey
Office work can take a lot of energy, as can any trade work. Males often give so much of themselves to the work that they have forgotten how to really give themselves to their wives. Not to mention porn, which is a very demanding mistress who expects all of a person’s passions.
Our wives often get the dregs of our attention and care.
What does Scripture say about passion and how should men love their significant other?
God and Us
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” This verse, Psalm 37:4 has been instrumental in my walk with God. As I grow older, I am beginning to realize more and more that walking with God is often the same as delighting in him — finding ways to worship him along with the Sunday church service; seeing all the beauty in the world and responding with delight in his creation.
God promises that if we will do this, he will give us the desires of our heart. He woos us. He answers prayers and does things that cannot be explained apart from him. God gives us good gifts. He is nothing like the distant aunt or uncle who only sees you at Christmas and gives you the most generic gift they can find because they have no idea what you are into. No, God knows you intimately, and if he were to sit across the table from you tonight, he would know exactly how to clearly articulate the desires of your heart.
For Valentine’s Day, you probably will be sitting across the table from your beloved tonight. If she were to ask you what her deepest cares and desires are, would you know? Could you tell her exactly what her heart longs for and tell it in such a way that she begins to delight more and more the deeper you go?
A Real Gift
Flowers, meals, movies, cards, or whatever other traditional gift you get your wife for Valentine’s Day is good. Very good! But, are you getting her flowers because you do not know what else to get her? Are you reserving a meal at a restaurant because you are not sure what else you are supposed to do on Valentine’s Day? Are you writing her a card and giving her chocolate so she might respond, well, physically to you after dinner?
None of these gifts are bad, but the reasons and motives are. We need to know our wives, not just wing it one day a year. Do you know her heart? What are her dreams? Her ambitions? What does she yearn for the most? What does she wish for your marriage and how does she pray about your marriage? Most men simply do not know.
Too often, marriage revolves around our own dreams, our own ambitions, our own goals, and honestly, our own struggles. We seldom think to ask our wives what their ambitions and dreams are. We want our wives to delight in us, to respect us, and to have pride in being ours.
I submit the best way for you to create a relationship in which your wife does delight in you is to respond to the desires of her heart, and not only respond to them but to actively engage them.
Knowing Your Wife
Marriage can sometimes bog down life so much that it simply crushes the desires of a wife’s heart. So, for this Valentine’s Day, I challenge you to reawaken them and commit to spending the rest of your life responding to and cultivating those desires.
If you do not know how to even start doing this, as you sit down tonight, share some of the ideas in this post with your wife. Tell her you want to make sure she does not abandon the desires of her heart in the name of marriage. Then ask her some or all of the following questions and take notes! Maybe this can be your new Valentine’s Day tradition.
10 Questions!
- What dreams or ambitions do you feel like you had to set aside because of marriage? How do you feel about that?
- If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
- If you could do and be anything in the world without having to sacrifice family obligations, what would that be?
- How are your hobbies going? What do you enjoy most about them?
- Have you been reading or watching anything recently? Why did you like the book/tv show/movie/etc?
- Did you ever feel like you had to abandon the desires of your heart because of me?
- What can I do to be a part of your life in these areas (dreams, ambitions)?
- Did you ever have any goals in marriage or your life that you have forgotten about or stopped believing would happen? What can I do to help accomplish them?
- Describe the perfect date to me (then set a date and do it, if possible).
- Do you need a weekend retreat? Can I keep the kids and take care of the house for a weekend soon so you can have a much-needed Sabbath?
Knowing, awakening, and cultivating the desires of a wife’s heart is sure to cause her to delight in you. That is how God loves us, by cultivating holy desires. Your wife is worth your time, your exhausted nights, your war against lust.
This Valentine’s Day, commit to knowing your wife’s desires for the rest of your life.
Ricky is the Baptist Collegiate Ministry director for South Florida. He is a writer and speaker who is passionate for God’s glory and seeing college students spread it across the globe. When he is not working in college ministry, he spends his time reading, longboarding, and watching The Office at home in Miami with Stephanie, the woman he somehow convinced to marry him. You can follow Ricky on Twitter at @baileyrl48.
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