By: Kent Evans 

2 min. read

Does Porn Disqualify a Dad? 

I know there are some dads who want to help their kids build a healthy view of sexuality, but they believe they’re unqualified. These dads believe their own past disqualifies them from leading in this area. If you’re one of those dads who believe his past has sidelined him from being in the game of helping your kids with sexual integrity, you’re believing a lie.

Here’s the truth: God qualifies the called, He doesn’t just call the qualified. And, if you’re a dad, guess what? You’ve been called.

Since the dawn of creation, Satan has tried to distract, discourage and disqualify people. He can’t actually do it, so he tries to convince us that we’re beyond hope and we should disqualify ourselves. Who on earth are you to help others? Do they know what you’ve done?

My Past

When I was a teenager, I made some horrible choices with girls. I was not honorable, and I behaved outside the boundaries God would’ve set up for my dating years. I’m not proud of that, but I also know this – all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 2:23).

I also know that God uses imperfect people to accomplish His perfect will. David was a man after God’s own heart (who committed adultery and murder). Paul was an evangelist (helped imprison and kill Christ followers). Peter was a key leader in the early church (denied Christ three times at his hour of greatest need). The bible, and history, is chock-full of men who were imperfect, flawed and had rough pasts. Yet, they were called to lead.

Here’s the thing dads need to keep in mind as we lead our families, especially if we’re leading in the area of our own past brokenness. We are not imparting our wisdom to our families. Fathers are imparting God’s wisdom. We’re not the source, we’re just the messenger. We’re not supposed to father out of our own river of greatness, but out of God’s deep well of grace and truth.

Let me say this a different way. God wants to work through you, but it’s not about you. Part of the reason you think you’re unqualified is because you’re focusing on what you can bring to the table. What if that’s the wrong focus?

Fathering

In a sense, you do bring something to the table. That is, your own faith in Christ and how He works in and through you. A tremendous asset. However, you – all by yourself, in and of yourself – have nothing of real value to offer. That can either sound depressing or liberating, depending on your perspective.

Interestingly, one of those sinners-turned-saint had something to say about his past. Paul, describing how Jesus saved him, said “…I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.” (1 Timothy 1:16).

See, Paul knew that his evil, sordid past served a purpose. That was to magnify Christ’s mercy, not Paul’s own perfection. And, that my friend, is our starting point for teaching our children: Christ’s perfect plan, not our own.

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Kent’s bio:

Kent Evans is the Executive Director and co-founder of Manhood Journey, a ministry that helps fathers become disciple-makers. After a twenty-year career as a business leader, he embarked on biblical Fatherhood ministry projects. He’s appeared on television, radio, web outlets and podcasts. Kent has spoken at parenting and men’s events. He’s authored two books. The first, Wise Guys: Unlocking Hidden Wisdom from the Men Around You, was written to help men learn how to find mentors and wise counsel. The second, The Manhood Journey: Charting a Course to Biblical Fatherhood, aims to help dads not be good or great dads, but be godly ones. Learn more at manhoodjourney.org or fatheronpurpose.org.