By: Dane Skelton
Stories from a Pastor
The man shaking my hand after church said, “My porn addiction cost me my job and I had to move. My wife considered leaving but held on, and now we are attempting to rebuild but she has a hard time trusting me. Another big downer is that the firing has set my career back ten years. I need an accountability partner. Can you recommend one?”
On another occasion, a young mother of two came up to me shaking with anger, “I found the websites he was surfing on our computer,” she said, tears brimming, voice quaking. “He said he’d stopped and I believed him, but then I found it again! I can’t trust him! And he’s our church worship leader! What am I supposed to do about that?”
Long before the iPhone put porn in the hands of every man, woman, and child in America, pastors saw the seeds of the porn pandemic. Decades before texting, sexting, and commercials for ED drugs, we were counseling Christian men and their wives about the havoc wreaked by their pornography addictions. Now more than ever younger men experience sexual dysfunction due to porn. Many wonder if they will ever be “normal” again.
The Apostle Paul and Time Magazine
The Apostle Paul wrote, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18 NIV). Never have the words of Scripture been so thoroughly validated by a non-religious source as they were by the April 11, 2016 cover story in TIME.
A few of the statistics TIME reports are: 46% of men and 16% of women ages 18-39 intentionally view pornography in any given week. From February of 2006 to January 2016 monthly visits by U.S. citizens to porn websites increased from 58 million to 107 million, according to one web-tracking company.[1] Yes, that’s 107 million visits per month. Reliable estimates peg pornography as a $100 billion global industry with $10 to $12 billion of it coming from the U.S. alone.
Compare those numbers to the highest circulation of Playboy Magazine, arguably the vanguard of the porn industry in the U.S., prior to the internet: 7.1 million copies of the November 1972 edition were sold.
Christians are not immune. Covenant Eyes website reports that about 64% of Christian men and 15% of women access porn every month.[2] My guess is those stats are low. And just as the Apostle Paul warned the Corinthians, it’s damaging their bodies.
Porn, Cocaine, and Your Brain
TIME confirms that pornography impacts the body by citing a 2014 fMRI study from the Max Planck Institute which revealed that habitual porn use may have an effect on the brain. Repeated exposure to porn appeared to cause the brain’s reward center, called the striatum, to be less and less responsive.
In other words, the brain becomes desensitized, requiring more and more stimulation to achieve the same level of pleasure. This is somewhat like the way cocaine and other drugs effect the brain. It’s no surprise then that porn addicts often progress from plain vanilla porn to harder, more violent, or simply more bizarre forms. Many also end up frequenting prostitutes and some become predators.[3]
Scientists have long known that the brain is our primary sex organ, but it isn’t the only one suffering from the effects of porn. Young men, Christian and non-Christian alike, are increasingly reporting PIED, porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Their bodies have been so desensitized by porn that they cannot respond to normal sexual stimuli.
Now, enough of the bad news, let’s talk about redeeming what’s been lost.
Hope
The Bible teaches that we are three-part beings, spirit, soul, and body. Dealing effectively with this or any other addiction requires addressing all three. Some of you who aren’t Christians, and even some who are, don’t have any problem with sex outside of marriage. But the Bible calls that sin and I encourage you to do the same.
Getting Honest
Take the first step to freedom by calling this what it is. Even if you can’t yet see it as a sin against God or your own body, an honest look at the underbelly of the porn industry will reveal that the whole thing is one massive assault on the dignity of men and women. That’s why businesses like Hilton Hotels have eliminated pornography channels in their hotel rooms in 85 countries. They have a company policy against participating in sexual exploitation and recognized the link between sex trafficking, prostitution and porn. Christ died to free us from slavery to sin. Agreeing with God that pornography is sin frees the Holy Spirit to help you do away with it.
Becoming You
Second, understand that your mind, will, and emotions, what we know as the soul, have been damaged by porn. You were created to be a thinking, choosing, feeling and relating being. Porn addiction, like others, pulls your soul into a kind of spiral sickness. Your thinking is clouded, your will is weakened, your feelings are misleading, and your ability to relate in healthy ways to other human beings, especially women, is damaged. You’re going to need some help sorting out your feelings, strengthening your will, straightening out your thinking, and reshaping the way you relate to others. Happily, there are many different kinds of help out there for this, from books to websites to support groups.
New Rhythms, New Mind
Finally, your body is going to need rewiring. One of the most fascinating and hopeful things I’ve learned from counseling men with pornography addictions is the power of simple behavior-modification techniques. Pastors and counseling psychologists often assume that all problems stem from within the soul and can be effectively addressed by talking, teaching and prayer; correcting the wrongs of the conscience. I’m not discounting any of those, but the fact is that not everyone becomes addicted because they have issues with their upbringing. The neurology of our sexuality is incredibly important. Repeated exposure to porn trains the brain and the body to react a certain way by burning deep neural pathways. Think of it as a kind of sexual muscle memory that won’t go away on command. The good news is that it is possible to burn new pathways and let the old ones die off. It takes time and training, but it is possible.
Good news
If you find yourself or a loved one a victim of the porn pandemic there is hope. Christ died to set you free from sin and give you full access to the redemptive power of his Spirit. God, who wants you to be a whole man, free to exercise all of your capacities for good instead of bound by a single overwhelming drive, has provided all kinds of aids, secular and spiritual, to help you break free. May God bless you as you pursue freedom, forgiveness, and healing.
Click here and get help on your journey
[1] TIME April 11, 2016, PORN And the Threat to Virility: Why young men who grew up with internet porn are becoming advocates for turning it off. By Belinda Luscombe.
[2] Breakpoint with John Stonestreet, September 17, 2015, MAYBE WE’RE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY AFTER ALL: Convincing Hilton to Pull the Plug
[3] TIME, April 11, 2016.
Dane Skelton is pastor at Faith Community Church and has been married for 34 years. Dane has written for World.wng.org, AMA Motorcyclist Magazine, and The Gazette Virginian Newspaper. He has authored two books —JUNGLE FLIGHT: Spiritual Adventures at the Ends of the Earth, and PAPUA PILOT: Flying the Bible to the Last Lost Peoples. To contact Dane or read more of writings, click here.