By: Allie Joy Hudson
A Big Change with New Lessons
A lot has changed in my life since my last blog post in November. Since then, I got married and moved to a different state, leaving my family and close friends behind. Being Michael’s wife has been so so good, but it’s also been difficult. Many things in my life are new and unfamiliar. I have different roles, I’ve moved away from the people and the places that have been familiar to me for almost all my life, and I’m learning every day about demonstrating grace, patience, and selflessness. As I settle into this new season, I’m realizing that I need to trust and dig into my relationship with Jesus more than I anticipated.
I know that Satan wants me to fail as a Christ-follower, a wife, and at anything else that the Lord calls me to. He wants you to fail too. Our adversary does not fight fair. Anything that you or I do that brings God honor or glory or joy is repulsive to him, so he works with all his might to corrupt, steal, and destroy (John 10:10).
Trapped in a Nightmare
The other day, I was home alone, and I decided to take a quick nap. While I was sleeping, I kept having nightmares. In my dream, I was trying to fight off various dangers, but while I was doing that, I couldn’t stay awake. I felt completely powerless; I thought that what I was seeing was happening in real life. I distinctly remember that in my dream, while I was trying to fight, I tried to scream out, “Jesus!”, but I couldn’t stay awake enough to yell or speak or defend myself.
When I awoke, I was pretty shaken up. I couldn’t get the dream out of my head. I kept remembering images from it and feeling the same helplessness sensation. I tried to pray, but I felt like God was far from me in that moment.
Shaking off the Terror
Maybe you’ve felt like that before. Though this instance involved a dream, in a larger sense, it reflected my sin of giving into fear and anxiety.
Sin has a way of paralyzing and isolating us, especially sexual sin. Though we know that we want to and strive to be pure, to guard our eyes, and to surrender our thoughts, it’s easy to find ourselves back in a rut, feeling stuck and distant from God. Satan capitalizes on these opportunities to attack us when we are most vulnerable – when we are afraid, ashamed, and alone. This is why, throughout His ministry, Jesus emphasizes to His disciples that they will need one another to be effective followers of Him.
After I awoke from my dream, I struggled on my own for a while, but then I decided to reach out for help. I felt like my dreams that morning were a spiritual attack, and I needed prayer and support from others. I texted my husband and my close friend group from home, and God was good. Within a few minutes, they had all responded. One of my friends reminded me to fill my mind with TRUTH and to “armor up” (Ephesians 6:10-18).
The first piece of spiritual armor that Paul lists is the “belt of truth” (verse 14). So that morning, I spent a few minutes pouring truth into my weary mind. I reminded myself that when Jesus rose from the dead, He rendered the enemy, death, and sin ultimately powerless. Jesus will win – that has been declared. And we serve a God who loves us, prepares our steps, and walks alongside us, indwelling us through His Spirit. We do not have to live afraid.
As I share this with you, I want to challenge you to continue to saturate your soul with truth. Whether you are working to tackle thoughts of anxiety, lust, anger, depression, or shame, know and cling to the fact that in Christ we stand victorious, and He always stands with us. He is our strength, peace, and joy even in times of change, loneliness, and struggle. We belong to Him, and no one has the power to snatch us from His loving grip (John 10:28).
Repeat these things to yourself. Surround yourself with people who will help you to remember truth when you feel overwhelmed. Pray for one another and reach out for help when you need it. Take every anxious thought before the Father. Be encouraged! As Jesus promises in John 8, His Truth sets us free.
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Allie Joy Hudson is first and foremost a daughter of the King. She graduated from Liberty University with a Bachelor of Arts in English and minors in Spanish and Psychology. Allie completed her Senior Honors Thesis on the presentation of postmodern sexuality in short fiction and has also been published in two of Liberty University’s other online journals, The Kabod and Aidenn. She enjoys reading, writing, playing the viola, singing, musical theatre, photography, and Zumba. She is passionate about her ever-growing C.S. Lewis collection, cultivating relationships, and proclaiming truth in the twisted arena of postmodern sexuality. Allie was raised in Maryland and is overjoyed to be married to the love of her life.