Consider what sorts of results you might find if you were to search for “alternatives to smoking” or “alternatives to drinking” or “alternatives to binge-watching”. For that matter, “alternatives to <insert preferred drug here>” could be another curiosity. Without even needing to explore those search engine inputs, we can easily surmise what would come back in response. Without fail, every exchange would have to be health in replacement of disease, of goodness instead of harm, life rather than death. This is no less true regarding alternatives to porn.
the economy of pornography
Pornography is inherently isolating and self-destructive. Even for the more recent innovations of interactive pornography, such as OnlyFans, the best that an individual can hope for is the illusion of a relationship. The gratification to be found there is short-lived and inevitably hollow. And nothing good, nothing ultimately creative, in effect or nature, comes out of that economy.
The etymology of “economy” is interesting in this context. At its root, economy literally means “the ordering of households.” When we discuss the state of national economies, it should imply much more than mere fiscal reports. How well are households thriving? Of course, money is a significant dimension in that question, but it is not the entirety of the answer.
When the vast majority of our homes and households have been ordered around pornography, that is among the worst of all possible economies. The only arrangement that could be *actually* worse would be that of live-in sex slaves. Although, the industry of pornography has scaled the abuses to such an extent that we are not in practice very far removed from that horrific reality. As pornography usage increases, so do actual practices of human enslavement. Accordingly, the alternatives to porn demand a better economy, a better ordering of one’s own household.
community not addiction
“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; the opposite of addiction is connection.” Johann Hari presented this compelling antithesis in his TED Talk. Whatever one’s story and circumstances, there is simply no road to recovery without community. We are constitutionally social creatures… even the introverts among us. Our need for people, for good relationships, is most pronounced in the ackowledgement of our desires. Addiction is simply the most heightened expression of this truth in the extremes of its manifestations.
Can you see how pornography becomes a negative feedback cycle, a perpetual self-cannibalism? Like the snake eating its tail, there is no participation in that practice that goes without harm. In every case, both the self as well as another, if not countless others, are harmed by the very existence of pornography. The alternatives to porn can only be found in community – meaningful relationships where we are seen, heard, known and loved.
meaningful sex
At this point, one might think that merely going nofap could be the solution. So long as a body is engaged in real sex with a real person, the harm has been mitigated. But we know this is false as well, or it is at least an incomplete truth. One night stand culture and promiscuity continue to reveal the gaping wounds in our culture’s lack of understanding about sex. For all the flack that the institution of marriage receives, it remains the very best arrangement for meaningful, hope-giving sexual encounters.
There is no such thing as sex without cost. Of course I don’t merely mean prostitution by that statement. The emotional tally must always be paid, no matter how hard we try to delude ourselves. On the physical level, sex becomes less and less safe as diseases and dysfunctions run rampant. Mentally, people are increasingly incapable of stewarding their own thoughts and interior worlds. The wanton appetite for sex without consequence short circuits a person’s ability to function well, to engage authentically with the people before them. The alternatives to porn must involve self-control.
where to begin
Our free Encouragement Series is an excellent introduction to the life that engages the alternatives to porn. A robust exercise regimen, meditative journaling, confiding in a trusted friend or mentor are good things to initiate. In the end, the alternatives to porn are life-giving and hopeful. The transition might take time, but the work is worth it. And you would not be alone in that pursuit! We are here to come alongside you in every step of that endeavor.
– C.T. Giles