Past Expectations

When I was growing up as a strait-laced Southern Baptist kid in the eighties and nineties (1981 model here), the only conversation being had about sexual integrity was sex-before-marriage. True Love Waits was the gold standard of moral piety among teens. A “promise ring” was the token display that meant a young Christian was *really* committed to the faith. In that culture, pornography wasn’t even mentioned yet. Of course, that was before the advent of the internet… and the maelstrom thereafter unleashed upon the world. Today, the stakes of virginity for Gen Z are much higher than ever before. Sadly, most parents have virtually no response to this pandemic of pornography and its assault upon their children.

Let’s examine for a moment the archaeology of my own ancient upbringing. Going back all those many years to the late nineteen hundreds, pornography existed, yes, but the media had not become ubiquitous. A person had to know which seedy side of town to visit in order to acquire a naughty magazine or VHS cassette. That seems like an alternate universe looking back. For the most part, a pubescent Christian teen simply had to avoid situations wherein they were more likely to misbehave with their significant other. Occasionally, a competent youth pastor would probe into the deeper matters of lust in the heart. Virginity until marriage was the operating goal. Presently, Gen Z virginity has become a far greater difficulty to navigate.

Present Experience

Nowadays, virtually everyone, kids included, carries a god-machine in their pockets which effectively becomes a harem in their pants. On average, teens watch 87 hours of pornography per year. For context, that stat is dated all the way back to 2009 but it is the most recent datum that I could find. It’s a safe bet the average exposure is MUCH higher after fifteen years of proliferation and cultural acceptance. When it comes to imagination and expectation, Gen Z virginity is virtually non-existent. Even assuming the fifteen year old data is still the case, that means by the time a current teen is married, he/she will have spent over 1,000 hours watching unrealistic depictions of sex.

In this prevailing scenario, that means a newlywed is going to the honeymoon suite with hundreds of hours being trained by the very worst portrayals of sexual union. Most young Christian men and women think that once they marry, their porn problem will magically vanish, as though regular sex will easily replace their habits of self-gratification. This is never the case. Instead, the problems become compounded by the inevitable harm and emotional injury inflicted upon their partner. For the normalization of pornography even throughout churches, Gen Z Christians *might* marry with technically anatomical virginity, but their souls will have nothing for chastity to bring to their husbands and wives.

Future expedition

Six years ago, before anyone ever suspected that I would work here in a full-time capacity, I wrote my first blog article for the ministry. At the time my oldest boys were eleven and twelve. The call to action was to cultivate multi-generational purity in our family legacies. As sixteen and seventeen year-olds, my sons recently traveled with me to an Iron Sharpens Iron men’s conference in Buffalo, NY. It was my great joy to have them speak with me in the “Emerging Men” breakout session. The room was packed and my boys were fantastic in their presentations. With equal measures of conviction and tenderness, my sons beckoned that group of teenagers to the life of sexual integrity as young men. Their story is one of freedom and joy rather than addiction and shame.

Because my wife and I have been hyper-vigilant with them ever since they were little, they have never been exposed to pornography in any form – no movies, no internet, no magazines… no nothing. As they’ve grown, we’ve become increasingly more engaged in their training of sexual integrity. My sons and daughters exemplify Gen Z virginity: they are unscathed by the poison of pornography.

Urgency Today

For the porn-addicted individual reading this, please do not give up hope. It is never too late to course correct, but you must begin now! I can promise you, the process always works once you commit. Pornography does not have to be your forever story, neither does unwanted sexual behavior. You really can know lasting freedom for yourself.

For the parent reading this: I implore you to act now. Every parent tends to think they still have time. They are wrong. If you aren’t teaching your kids about sex then they will learn about it from the worst possible places. You still have the power to save them from years of addiction, depression, a whole host of ills and woes. But you must take action today. Because the world of porn has already begun hunting your children down.

– C.T. Giles